You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize