it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
