if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
