I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
