i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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