I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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