you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
