Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize