Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize