I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize