loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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