i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
