you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
