He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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