the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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