i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
