Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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