Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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