toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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