This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
