You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
