Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
