i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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