yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
