I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
foreskin is a definite game changer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
