haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
