just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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