she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
