Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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