when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
