Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am spending my child support on dildos
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
