He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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