my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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