And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
