so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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