So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
