Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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