apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
