i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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