fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
