I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
