$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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