i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
