I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
