I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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