Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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