I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
