Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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