We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
