my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This girl is more easily done than said...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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