No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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