Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize