I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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