Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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