I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
