A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
