i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
17 year olds will be the death of me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
