you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize