The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
