first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
