Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize