You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
love makes seman taste better
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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