At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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