id be glad to
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
